Chapter Text
Days went by and SpongeBob didn’t so much as hear from Patrick. Despite not seeing the starfish though, Patrick was very much on SpongeBob’s mind. Throughout the day his thoughts would drift to him and at night, Patrick’s pink body would flood his dreams.
Thankfully, his date with Squidward was tonight and he was looking forward to it. They were planning on going out to dinner and then they would head to an orchestra concert in the park. It wasn’t exactly what SpongeBob wanted to do, but he wanted to show the octopus that he could be mature and cultured.
The day itself went by in a flash and once he was off work, SpongeBob ran home as fast as he could to get ready. In one fluid motion he stripped off his clothes and jumped into the shower. However, the images of Patrick came flooding back as he remembered trying to scrub himself clean the other day. He quickly pushed those thoughts aside though and tried to stay focused on the night ahead.
After getting out of the shower, SpongeBob went to his closet and started flipping through his wardrobe. He wanted something more spiffy than his typical khaki shorts and white button up, but he didn’t want to be too formal. Also he knew the night would be cool, so he needed to plan accordingly.
After staring at the clothes for what seemed like ages, SpongeBob finally settled on a pair of long khaki pants and a lightweight, black sweater. After dressing, he looked at himself in the mirror and smiled. He wasn’t used to seeing himself all dressed up, but really liked the way he looked.
Before heading out the door, SpongeBob grabbed a small bottle of cologne off his dresser and misted it over him. He hadn’t had time to go out and buy a new bottle, so he hoped that Squidward liked the smell of fresh tropical fruits since that’s all he had.
SpongeBob made his way downstairs just as Squidward was knocking at the door. He took a deep breath and prepared himself for the night not really knowing what was in store.
“Hello Squidward,” SpongeBob smiled as he opened the door.
“Well you look dashing,” Squidward chuckled. “Almost like you were trying to impress me or something.”
“What can I say?” SpongeBob giggled. “I clean up nice. You look handsome yourself. I rarely see you without your brown shirt, but that purple sweater looks marvelous on you.”
“Thank you,” Squidward wasn’t used to compliments. “Are you ready?”
“I am,” SpongeBob said. This shocked Squidward as he was fully expecting the sponge to scream out “I’m Ready” over and over again. Maybe there was something different about “Date SpongeBob”? Squidward didn’t know, but he was certainly liking what he was seeing.
The two made their way to Squidward’s boat and then took off in the direction of a bistro Squidward had picked out.
“You can turn on the radio,” Squidward motioned to the center console.
SpongeBob fiddled with the dials before landing on a smooth jazz station that was playing the latest from Kelpy G. Deciding he liked it, he sat back and swayed his foot along to the beat.
“This is Kelpy G’s new song isn’t it?” SpongeBob asked Squidward.
“Good ear SpongeBob,” Squidward smiled. “I didn’t know you were a fan.”
“I’m trying to expand my horizons,” SpongeBob said.
Holy shrimp! Squidward thought to himself. SpongeBob really is much different than I thought he was. I only agreed to this date because he is cute and I haven’t been out in ages....carefully Squiddy...you’re going to catch feelings and Neptune knows what that will mean.
Squidward pulled the boat into the parking lot of the bistro and the two of them made their way inside. SpongeBob flipped through the menu and was determined to find something that wasn’t fried for dinner.
When the waitress came back around, Squidward ordered a bowl of cream of broccoli soup and a small side salad. When the waitress turned to SpongeBob, Squidward was already trying to guess what his date would get. He’d seen fried oysters along with a fried patty sandwich that seemed to be a low rent copy of the Krabby Patty. However, to Squidward’s surprise, SpongeBob passed all the fried food and instead ordered a seaberry salad.
Who is this sponge and what has he done with SpongeBob? Squidward thought to himself.
While they waited for their food to arrive, the couple sat and chatted. Squidward was certain that during their talk, SpongeBob would inevitably show his true colors again. But as they chatted, the conversation never once turned towards any of the things Squidward couldn't care less about.
Is it wrong for me to be catching feelings like this? Squidward’s mind was racing. Maybe SpongeBob is just playing me? No...I can’t think like that. But what else could explain it? I’m legitimately having a wonderful time.
“Sorry?” Squidward snapped out of his thoughts. “What did you say SpongeBob?”
“That our food is here,” SpongeBob motioned to the waitress. “It looks delicious!”
After the two had finished eating, the waitress came back around and set the bill on the table. Before Squidward could even react SpongeBob had scooped it up.
“Allow me,” SpongeBob said. “You got the concert tickets afterall, so it only makes sense that I pay for dinner.”
“Oh,” Squidward didn’t know how to respond. “Well thank you.”
Ok now this is getting to be too much! Squidward thought. No...no...Squiddy calm down. SpongeBob is doing something nice for you and he did have a point about splitting the costs. Honestly this is the first date I’ve gone on in...longer than I can remember where I wasn’t forking out all my money. Barnacles, so does this mean SpongeBob is expecting sex tonight? Would that really be the worst thing in the wor--
“Are you OK?” SpongeBob interrupted Squidward’s inner monologue.
“Sorry,” Squidward felt awful for having zoned out for the second time tonight. “I was just trying to remember where I put the concert tickets.”
“Ah,” SpongeBob giggled. “I too sometimes misplace things and need to try to retrace my steps in my head.”
Smooth Squiddy, real smooth.
“Here they are,” Squidward reached into his pants pocket and pulled out the ticket. “Let’s head out, the concert will be starting soon.”
The two piled back into Squidward’s boat and headed for the park. While it was only a short drive, Squidward’s thoughts were still a mess. He didn’t know what to do, especially after the concert was over. He hadn’t planned on having sex tonight, or even fooling around. At most he thought maybe a goodnight kiss would be in order, but with the way SpongeBob was acting, it was making it difficult for him to want to leave it at that.
They arrived at the park and Squidward pulled two chairs from the trunk before heading through the gate. After a short walk, they approached the concert area where they looked around for a place to set up their chairs.
“How about right there?” SpongeBob pointed to a spot on one of the small hills that would give them a good view of the orchestra.
“Sounds great,” Squidward replied. “Here can you set up the chairs? I’m going to go get us something to drink.”
“Will do Squiddy,” SpongeBob flashed a toothy smile.
Squidward sighed and turned to go look for a place to get a drink. He knew that these types of things often had vendors selling wine and with the way he was feeling right now he could use a glass or three.
“Two Lambruscos please,” Squidward asked the vendor once he’d found them. He wasn’t much for sweet wine, but he figured SpongeBob would loathe the taste of something dry.
Returning to the chairs, Squidward handed over one of the glasses to SpongeBob who took it and looked at it funny.
“Sorry,” Squidward said. “I wasn’t sure if you liked red or white wine, so I just got you something sweet. I figured you weren’t a dry wine kind of a sponge.”
“Thank you,” SpongeBob took a sip of the wine. It was the first time he’d ever drank anything remotely alcoholic before and didn’t know the difference between any two types of wine. Still as he took a second sip, he thought it was quite good.
A short time later the concert began. SpongeBob kept sipping at his wine and once the buzz started to hit him, he felt like he was floating on the music notes. It was a weird feeling for sure, but not an unpleasant one by any means.
At intermission Squidward went to fetch two more glasses of wine, while SpongeBob was having a hard time composing himself. No one had really ever told him what the effects of alcohol were, but he likened it too having one too many ice creams at the Goofy Goober.
Squidward returned just before the second half began. SpongeBob went back into his little trance as he continued to sip on his drink and feel like he was floating around. However, something else was coming over SpongeBob too, for once the idea of mating was coming to the forefront of his mind. He didn’t really know why, but as he listened to the music he fantasized about Squidward’s naked body and all those tentacles weaving their way in and out of his pores.
Unaware of how much he was getting into his daydream, SpongeBob let a little moan escape his lips, which startled Squidward.
“What was the SpongeBob?” Squidward tried playing it cool.
“Just clearing my throat,” SpongeBob replied, his words slightly slurred.
Way to go Squiddy! Squidward chastised himself. You got the sponge drunk and apparently when he’s drunk he gets horny. Barnacles. So am I supposed to have sex with him tonight or not? I mean I wouldn’t turn it down, but the sponge is drunk. I’m not that kind of octopus am I?
